eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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