I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
