What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
