i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize