I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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