I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
