He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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