Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
