she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
