Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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