It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
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It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
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Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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