The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
