I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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