I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
