Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
