i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
