bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The power of my boobs compel you
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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