The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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