I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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