I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
please come you make the beer taste better
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
