You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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