The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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