I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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