She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
