apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
