my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
