the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
