I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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