btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
