I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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