it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
