I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
