It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize