I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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