I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
