I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
