my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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