is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
