I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
