it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
