I don't think brook has ever known best
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
