So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Randomize
