I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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