Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
