I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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