so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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