I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
