so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
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I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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