how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I seem to have left my pride at pride
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
