my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
