he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize