omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
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its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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