All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
