Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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