Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
