you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
