Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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