accomplished twins. life is a go
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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