i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
