guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
