I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
