Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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