I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
