Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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