never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
