I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
4 words: hood of his car
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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