barbara walters just said penis...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
