If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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