you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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