adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
