Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
