well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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