why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
