I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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