Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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