cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
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You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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