so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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