You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
