ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize