i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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